


Field Trip

by KagSesshlove



Series: Grade School [6]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU
Genre: Gen, batbros, batfam, but still, dick should have known better, he did, the zoo is not the best place for dami to be, why dick, why would you do that to the innocent citizens of gotham
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-15
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-06-02 08:33:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6559495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KagSesshlove/pseuds/KagSesshlove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Imagine that Damian goes to a regular school full time. And has to do things that normal grade-schoolers have to do. Like go on a field trip.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Field Trip

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don’t own anything.
> 
> Warnings: Contains the most precious individual in the world. (Attempted) crimes.

Dick stared at Tim. Tim stared back.

“This is such a bad idea. It’s not even funny. Okay, scratch that, it’ll be hilarious. But that doesn’t mean it’s not a terrible idea. Don’t do it.”

“Timmy! How could you say that? This is an excellent opportunity for Dami – and the first time he’s ever wanted to be involved in any school related activity!”

Tim cocked and eyebrow. Dick hung his head.

Neither of them needed to say it.

Dick rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked down at the permission slip. Damian had handed it to him when he’d arrived home from school, actually excited for once – as excited as he had ever been for anything that wasn’t Robin-related.

(“Here, Grayson.”

“Hi, Damian. How was your day? Mine was good.”

“I don’t have time for pleasantries, Grayson. Sign this so that I can go train.”)

He sighed heavily and waved the papers in front of Tim’s face. “It’s a permission slip to go on a field trip to the zoo, Tim!”

“I know, Dick. And that’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

Dick pouted. It was undeniably true. If he signed it, then Damian would go to the zoo and…

Dick didn’t really want to think about what would happen if Damian went to the zoo.

( _Why is Bruce always off-world when things like this happen? If he were here, I wouldn’t have to deal with this_.)

“I can’t not sign it.”

Tim rolled his eyes, unsympathetic. “So sign it and loose the Demon on the unsuspecting population of zoo-visitors. I’m telling B that I told you not to, by the way.”

“Thanks,” he deadpanned before grabbing his pen and signing on the dotted line.  “…We won’t be held liable for damages, will we?”

Tim blinked, snatching the papers from him and flipping through them. He paused on the second sheet. “Oh… Well, this might be the solution to our problems -  or your problem because I refuse to take any responsibility for what happens.”

“What is it?”

“A slip to volunteer as a chaperone.”

Dick paused and shared a look with Tim.

“Tim-“

“No. Absolutely not. We already spent time together this week. We went on patrol. You do it; aren’t you always saying you don’t get to spend as much time with him as you want to?”

Dick frowned. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to spend time with Damian – of course he did!

He’d just prefer it if they didn’t spend time together at a zoo.

“…Maybe, neither of us has to do it. I mean… we don’t have to volunteer to chaperone.”

“You mean _you_ don’t have to volunteer. And that’s true. But since you already signed it, the least you can do is not leave him unattended.”

“He wouldn’t be unattended!”

Tim didn’t bother responding.

( _Yeah, that sounded weak, even to me.)_

“What about Cass?” Dick asked, looking back at the slip.

“She and Steph are going shopping that day. I know because I had to lie to Steph and say that I scheduled a meeting so I couldn’t go. But I hope you know I’d rather go with them than chaperone Damian’s field trip.”

“Well, I could ask Babs…”

“You want to ask Barbara to chaperone?”

The amount of disbelief Tim infused into his voice was just hurtful.

“Well what should I do Tim?”

“About what?”

They both turned to face Jason as he walked into the room. Dick locked eyes with Tim and they nodded at one another.

Dick turned back to Jason and grinned, pretending not to notice when Jason shifted warily.

( _Good instincts, as always_.)

“Jaybird! Excellent timing!”

Tim smiled. “The best,” he said, sipping his coffee.

Dick elbowed him in the side.

“Uh… I think I’m going to go find Alfred. Or the Babybat. Or anyone else.”

“Don’t be mean, little brother! Come sit!”

“And speaking of Damian…” Tim added.

Dick nodded, standing and walking over to Jason, swinging an arm around his shoulders.  “How would you like to fulfil your responsibility as an older brother?”

“I would rather not, thanks.”

“Don’t be like that, Jay! It’s-“

“What’s going on?” Jason interrupted, looking at Tim.

“Dick wants you to take Damian out on a field trip. I’m not doing it, and Dick would, but he does have to head back to Bludhaven every once and a while. He wasn’t sure who he would get to chaperone Damian, since Cass and Steph are busy that day. Looks like you’re the perfect option.”

( _Thank you for being such a great liar, Timmy_.)

Jason snorted and shrugged Dick’s arm off of his shoulder. “Is that all? I thought it was something horrifying like giving him The Talk.”

They shuddered in unison.

“We’re leaving that to Alfred,” Dick said.

“He might already know, and then we can avoid it entirely,” Tim mused.

“For some reason, I don’t think Talia would have bothered to cover that.”

Tim shrugged and held up the pen. “You want me to forge it for you?”

Jason rolled his eyes and snatched the pen away, scrawling his signature on the sheet without reading anything.

 _(Yes!_ )

“Aren’t you happy? Your first official endeavor as a legally living citizen is taking the Demon on a field trip. You must be excited.”

“Shut up. Where is it at anyway?”

Dick took the forms from his little brother and smiled sunnily. “You’re taking him and his class to the zoo.”

Jason stared at him as he processed the statement. “Dick,” he growled. “You had better be joking.”

He shrugged. “It’s a good opportunity to spend time with him. Besides: no take-backs.”

He ran out of the room before Jason could start chasing him.

( _This probably won’t end well_.)

* * *

 

Jason would deny being addicted to cigarettes until his second dying day, but he wasn’t actually sure if he would survive this without smoking.

“I can’t believe they made us take a bus,” Damian sneered.

He definitely wouldn’t survive this without smoking.

He took a drag of his first – okay, third – cigarette of the day and exhaled with a sigh. “How else were we supposed to get here?”

Damian just crossed his arms and grumbled under his breath, but Jason counted it as a win.

“All right, class! Before we head into the zoo, let’s lay some ground rules.”

Jason turned to the teacher – Ms. Andrews-call-me-Stacy – and snorted quietly. It was a wonder Damian hadn’t convinced her to retire early.

“First,” she continued, “let me introduce our chaperones: Mrs. Davidson, Mrs. Clark, and Mr. Todd. The class will be divided into four groups and your designated chaperone will escort you through the zoo. If everything goes according to schedule, each group will get through half of the zoo, then we’ll all meet in the café for lunch at 1:00 before we separate and finish the tour, gathering back here at 2:30. Any questions?”

Mrs. Clark-no-Amy-please cleared her throat. “How many students per group?”

“Each of you will have four students, and I’ll take five. Yes, Mrs. Davidson?”

“My son will be with me, won’t he?”

“Of course.”

“Good riddance,” Damian muttered.

Jason snorted.

Stacy smiled. “Now, shall we divide everyone up?”

Jason turned to his little brother while she assigned them students. “All right, brat, I got conned into this, and I’m sure that we’ll probably end up in jail before this is all over-“

“You might.”

“But, so I can bring you home and at least pretend that I tried to be a responsible older brother, I’m going to tell you now: don’t cause any trouble.”

Damian glared at him mulishly. “I wasn’t planning to, Todd.”

 _(Right. That seems totally true_. _I’m going to kill Dick when we get back._ )

“Mr. Todd?”

Jason turned to look at the three kids standing in front of him and grimaced inwardly. He didn’t have anything against kids, really, but he wasn’t sure if he could watch the three of them and keep Damian from kidnapping a penguin or something at the same time.

“Right. What’s your name? All of you.”

“I’m Oscar.”

“Amelia.”

“My name is Patrick.”

Jason nodded, taking note of how their body language screamed nervousness. He wasn’t sure if it were the fact that they were in a group with Damian, the fact that they were in a group with Jason and he was Damian’s older brother, or the fact that he had supposedly faked his death and was now their chaperone. Probably a combination of all of the above – but mostly Damian, considering how they kept shooting glances at the kid as if he were about to attack them at any time.

“Okay, good. Listen up. We’ll save the penguins, giraffes, and moneys for after lunch. That means we’ll check out the lions, reptiles, and… all the other animals now. Any problems?”

They shook their heads. Damian scoffed; Jason ignored him.

It was probably a bad idea to chain smoke while chaperoning a group of impressionable 10 year olds, but it wasn’t like he was going to ask them if they wanted to try. He suppressed a smirk.

“All right then, let’s get moving.”

* * *

 

Damian scowled and shifted his backpack up his shoulder as they looked at the lions. He stood off to the side, as far away from his brother and classmates as could be without provoking Todd to call him back over.

( _I’m never going to get away from them if he’s keeping such a close eye on me.)_

Damian gritted his teeth as he thought back to the earlier exhibits they’d visited. Every time he’d tried to slip away, Todd had been there to stop him, grinning smugly the whole time. It was like Todd knew that he was planning something.

He sighed and looked through the glass at the lioness that had approached him. He stared at her unfalteringly.

( _I’ll get all of them out of here_.)

“Trying to get her to submit, kid?”

Damian wrinkled his nose and glared balefully at his brother. “Leave me alone, Todd.”

He smirked. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you hated it here. But that wouldn’t make sense, considering how excited you were to come.”

“Tt. That shows what you know, Todd. I’m quite looking forward to the rest of the visit.”

Todd stared at him, his expression blank. “That didn’t sound ominous at all.”

“Even if I wanted to do something, I wouldn’t be able to.”

Todd’s eyebrow twitched. “I’d believe that if you were any other kid. I swear, Dick owes me so much for this.”

Damian hummed. “Drake made Grayson buy him two thousand dollars’ worth of energy drinks.”

“…Tim is going to die.”

Damian snorted and crossed his arms. “Don’t you have children to watch?”

Todd cursed and spun around quickly. “Oi, you three! Get over here!”

“Really, Todd?”

“What? It’s time to head to lunch anyway.”

Damian frowned. “What number cigarette is that? Nine?”

“Twelve. And I’m blaming you for that, by the way. This is too much stress.”

“It’s your fault for not knowing how to cope.”

“No, that’s B’s fault. I have two coping mechanisms, and smoking is the only one I can actually put into practice here.”

“Yes, Mr. Todd?”

Todd turned to Damian’s three classmates. “Okay, we’re going to head to the café and get lunch now. Raise your hand if you brought your own lunch. All of you? Good. Let’s go then. You kids have fun?”

Damian rolled his eyes.

( _Why is he starting conversation?_ )

“Yeah! It was so awesome. I didn’t really like the snakes but seeing the other animals was so cool!”

“’Cool’?” Damian sneered. “Spare me, Thompson. There’s nothing ‘cool’ about seeing animals held in captivity against their will.”

“Wh- but-“

“Unless you’re a sadist who enjoys the idea of animals being taken out of their natural habitat and forced to live and breed in captivity. Are you, Thompson? Because- why are you crying?” Damian gaped at the girl in confusion.

“Damian! Seriously? Okay, Amelia, stop crying. Sh-oot Shoot. Stop. Please. Why did you make her cry?”

“I didn’t know she was going to cry, Todd! There was nothing to cry about!”

“I don’t want to be a sadist!”

"Cra-b apples! One of you make her stop!”

“What?”

“How?”

“You sound like an idiot, Todd! Thompson! Stop blubbering immediately! So long as you acknowledge the cruelty of this establishment you won’t be branded a sadist.”

“That’s not going to work!”

“Do you mean it?”

He shot a smug look at his brother before turning back to Thompson, whose pathetic sobbing had finally subsided. “Yes. No stop crying. It’s annoying.”

“O-okay.”

Todd stared him before dropping his face into his hand. “Let’s go.”

Damian growled when Todd grabbed his arm and pulled him to the front of the group, but didn’t bother trying to get away.

“I can’t believe you just made that little girl cry.”

“That wasn’t my fault.”

He refused to feel bad for it.

Okay. He felt a little bad about it, but he hadn’t meant to make her cry.

( _Girls are ridiculous.)_

“Whatever, brat. You should apologize.”

Damian crossed his arms.

“Yeah, didn’t think so. But I have to check this stuff off the list so Alfred doesn’t have anything to look at me for when we get back.”

“‘Look at you for’?”

“Yeah, when he gets that look where he’s obviously disappointed but decides not to say it outright to let you stew in your own guilt. He might as well beat me with a crowbar.”

Damian smirked. “Don’t be morbid, Todd.”

Damian scowled when Todd ruffle his hair, but was gracious enough to respond only by swatting his hand away. No need to attack him in public.

“All right, speed it up! I need food if I have to put up with you all for another hour and a half.”

“You’re confusing food with nicotine.”

“Shut up, brat.”

* * *

 

“Okay,” Jason said, looking at his group and ignoring the glare on his little brother’s face. “You guys go get a seat over there next to your teacher. I’m going to get in line and grab some food. What do you want, Damian?”

“Nothing with meat.”

“Yeah, yeah. I can’t believe you’re still doing that.”

“I mean it, Todd!”

Jason rolled his eyes and debated whether or not he should light another cigarette.

( _Better wait until after lunch_.)

He snorted and waved the four of them away. “Don’t make anyone else cry.”

His advice – sound as it was – was ignored as Damian stalked off to the seating area. His classmates hesitated, only beginning the trek when they were separated from Damian by a few yards.

“Poor kids.”

Jason shook his head and walked over to the line. He stifled a groan when the woman in front of him turned around to face him. Not that she wasn’t pretty, but he’d seen that look on too many faces after he had been reintroduced to society.

“Hi! I’m Annie. You’re Jason Todd, right?”

“Yep.”

“I saw your press conference a couple weeks ago. I think it was really brave of you to pursue your dreams like that – and wanting to help people.”

He managed not to snort. Just barely. “Uh-huh. You can move up now.”

She was still smiling. “Thanks! So, how do you like being back?”

“I’d like to flirt with you, but if I do, my little brother might come around and make you cry – he’s sort of a brat like that.”

“Wh-“

“And I’d let him. You’re next.”

She looked ridiculously offended; he was sort of sad that he hadn’t had his phone out to take a picture of her face.

Thankfully, she just turned around to place her order.

( _You could be a little less famous, B. None of us would mind.)_

He sighed and checked his watch. 1:11. That was too much time. He just wanted to get Damian home before anything happened. The kid had been surprisingly well behaved – not counting the whole making Amelia cry thing. Of course, he had also tried to sneak away more times than Jason felt like counting, but other than that…

_*Ring*_

Jason answered the phone with a roll of his eyes. “I’m not honestly surprised you’re calling.”

“Hey, Jay, what’s up?”

He snorted. “Hold on, I’m ordering lunch.” He pulled the phone away from his ear. “One pepperoni slice, one cheese, and two bottles of water, thanks.”

He stepped off to the side and returned to his phone call.

“What do you want, Dickiebird?”

He didn’t know why he was asking; he knew.

“Just checking. I had a feeling.”

Jason groaned. Not one of his feelings. “What? Do you think he’s talking to a stranger or something? Damian’s fine, Dick.”

“Can I speak to him?”

“Why don’t you call him?”

“Because if I’m right then he won’t answer.”

Jason shook his head. The two of them were ridiculous. He looked over where Damian was sitting and froze.

“Jason?”

“Let me call you back.”

“What- Jason!”

“He’s fine, Dick. The kid’s just making some cry again.”

Dick didn’t answer. Jason could feel his suspicion through the phone.

( _Oh, come on!)_

“I’ll call you back and let you talk to him after I deal with this, okay?”

“…I’ll call you in 15 minutes.”

Jason hung up his phone and strode over to the table. “Hey, Stacy.”

She looked over at him with a strained smile. “Yes, Jason?”

He felt sort of bad for what he was about to ask her, but that wasn’t going to stop him. It was for the greater good, after all. “You mind watching my group for a bit?”

He’d only seen a few people pale that thoroughly. They had all been villains he was going to shoot.

“Uh… well-“

“Not Damian,” he clarified.

Her relieved sigh would have been offensive, but… it was Damian.

“Of course, of course. Even Damian would have been fine.”

He didn’t believe that for a minute; she was already getting her color back.

“Thanks.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah; kid’s just throwing a temper tantrum.”

She looking intensely frightened.

“Right. Right. You should go handle that…”

He smiled. “Thanks again.”

He walked out of the café, taking another drag of his cigarette.

( _I really hope he isn’t kidnapping a penguin_. _Might as well check there first.)_

* * *

 

Damian hadn’t wasted any time slipping away from his classmates as soon as Todd had left to order their food. He smirked to himself as he exited the café and stood in the hallway.

There were a few ways he could do this, but he wanted to maximize his efficiency before Todd realized he was gone. There were still some people milling about, but he doubted they’d be much of an obstacle.

He wrinkled his nose and stalked down the hallway, ignoring the stragglers. He paused when he came across the penguin enclosure. The area was fairly deserted, and the lack of witnesses would make his job easier.

It was painfully easy for him to break into the tank-like structure holding the animals, even holding the bucket of fish he had snagged from the cooler. Security in this place was terrible. If someone who wasn’t trying to help broke in, there would be little to deter them. Just another reason to justify his actions: the zoo obviously didn’t care enough about their animals to protect them adequately.

The temperature had dropped slightly, as he had expected, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Not that it would matter if it were. He’d been in worse conditions before.

He put one hand on his hip and used the other to hold up the pail.

“Listen up, penguins: your freedom is here! I intend to lead you back to your homeland and perform rehabilitation so that you all can survive in your natural habitat!”

They didn’t respond, of course. He pulled a fish out of the bucket and threw it towards them. They huddled together, fighting for the treat. He grinned and pulled out another fish.

“Now-“

“Are you freaking kidding me?!”

Damian turned sharply, eyes widening as he stared at his brother.

( _How did he find me so fast?)_

“Todd- stop it!” Damian scowled and held the bucket above his head as the penguins gathered around him.

“You little brat! Get out of there!” He was trying to sound stern, but he was laughing.

Damian twisted around to face him, glaring. “Shut up, Todd! Stop taking pictures!”

Todd cackled. “Not ever. I can’t believe you’re actually doing this. How did you even plan to get them out of here?”

Damian just glowered at him, rising onto his tiptoes as the penguins became more insistent. “Don’t you have children to watch?”

“Just you.”

That grin was getting on his nerves.

“So,” Todd drawled. “Need help there, baby bro?”

“…I’m taking the penguins.”

“No. You’re not.”

“Why not?”

Damian didn’t whine. He didn’t.

“You think I want to get in trouble with Alfred because I let you steal a bunch of penguins?” Todd smacked the glass demonstratively. “Get out of there.”

“Just one.”

“Oh my- no. I’m not going to jail because of you.”

“Father let me keep the cow.”

He banged his head against the glass.

“Careful, Todd, you can’t afford to lose anymore brain cells.”

“Will you just-“

_*Ring*_

Todd rolled his eyes and answered his phone. “It hasn’t even been 15 minutes yet, Dick.”

Damian frowned.

( _Great. Grayson’s calling.)_

Todd eyed him. “Yeah, he’s here. Hey, kid, guess who wants to talk to you?”

Damian growled and threw the pail of fish into the water. All of the birds followed it, diving into the pool. Damian crossed his arms and glared at Todd.

“I would have managed to free them if not for your interference, Todd.”

“You sound like a cartoon villain. Just come out here and talk to Dickiebird. He’s in a bathroom stall. Pouting. Because he’s a brat.”

“Shut up, Todd!”

“What is going on here?!”

Damian pivoted on his foot and gritted his teeth as an employee stared at him.

“We’ll call you back. Hey! Listen-“

“Security! Security!”

“What the- What are you calling security for, you idiot? He’s a kid! He’s leaving. Just shut up!”

Damian rolled his shoulders and shifted his stance as the guards answered the woman’s call.

“Tt. Like I’ll let them take me.”

“Oi! Don’t fight them, brat! And what’s wrong with you? Call them off!”

“He broke into the penguin enclosure!”

“Whose fault is that?”

“His!”

“Get better security!”

Damian rolled his eyes and took a step back, tuning their yelling out. His brother was a child and that woman was an idiot. He needed to focus on the two guards approaching him. He couldn’t attack them – obviously. But he wasn’t just going to let them take him.

“I doubt either of you are capable enough to capture me, but you’re welcome to try.”

* * *

 

Dick stared at his brothers blankly. “Tim is my new favorite.”

Damian crossed his arms, pouting and avoiding his gaze. Jason leaned against the car, smoking. Like Dick hadn’t just picked him up from a holding cell. With their 10-year-old brother.

“Look,” Jason began casually. “I didn’t even know they could arrest 10-year-olds.”

Dick took a deep breath. He should probably take Steph up on that offer to go to yoga classes. It would probably do wonders for his stress levels. Especially if Steph was the only other member of the family there.

“Jason,” Dick said flatly. “How did the two of you get arrested? And why does Damian smell like fish? And also… what is he covered in?”

“Penguin feces,” Damian supplied grudgingly. “And dirt.”

“Don’t look at me like that, Bigbird! You knew this was going to be bad.”

“You were supposed to be there to stop it from getting this bad!”

“I did! If I hadn’t been there, he would have stolen the penguins.”

( _Seriously?)_

Dick turned to Damian.

“They’re being held against their will, Grayson!”

“Here we go,” Jason muttered.

“We’re heroes. As heroes, it is our job to rescue any creature being abused-“

“They’re not being abused, brat.”

“And what would you know, Todd?”

“Get in the car, please,” Dick interrupted wearily.

How was he even supposed to deal with this?

“And the two of you can tell Alfie all about this when we get home.”

Damian and Jason looked miserable and horrified respectively.

( _Good.)_

* * *

 

“I don’t think I ever thanked Bruce for putting Damian in school.”

“Shut up, Tim.”

“Shut up, Drake.”

“Don’t you have coffee to drink?”

Tim cocked an eyebrow at Dick and took a sip from his mug. “I told you so.”


End file.
